Well I Do

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I’ve mentioned several times that I love the quote: "Don't die with your music still inside you.” by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer. That quote combined with the death of a loved one is what inspired me to create a website last year to share my art, interests, and inspirations with the world. We never know how much time we have left so I do my best most days to live my life to the fullest.

Last week Chester Bennington, one of the voices of Linkin Park, decided to end his life. Celebrity deaths don’t often have a huge personal impact on me, but this one hit me a bit harder. I used to listen to a lot of Linkin Park and got to see them once in concert when I was a teenager. Their music was full of pain but, especially recently, also had a lot of hope. He definitely did not die with all of his music still inside of him, and he saved (probably) thousands of lives with his music.

It was a reminder that even some people who “seem to have things under control” when it comes to their mental health have to work at it DAILY. Even when you get into a good healthy rhythm - if you struggle with any mental health issue, it’s still there under the surface, ready to attack any time you slack a little on the self-care.

This is exactly why I have a little “soul food” calendar that I keep at work with color-coded stickers that I earn by doing things that are good for my mental health (go to the gym, play softball, do acroyoga, yoga, be in nature, play music, meditate, etc.). I know from experience that if a couple of weeks go by that are low on stickers, I notice a marked increase in my overall anxiety levels. I haven’t been tracking sleep, vegetable intake, and water intake lately, but I did for a period of time and it was amazing to me how just those basic self-care things can have such an impact. Obviously beyond basic self-care, the things that are soul food for YOU are going to be different than what is soul food for me, and that’s great! I’m glad that we all have different things that we love to do. 🙂

I’ve also had the realization in the past few years that my mental health and amount of contact I have with other people is completely up to me. I have had people comment that I seem to have a lot of good friends or that I’m involved in so many activities. . . and you know why those things are true? Because I’ve reached out. When I moved to St. Louis a couple of years ago, I hardly knew anyone and I understood that the only way for me to find community was to make it and to put myself out there and attend activities that I enjoy to meet like-minded people. Sometimes I participate in an activity for several months before I actually have a personal conversation with new people. I still struggle with that first time of going somewhere new or meeting a new group, but I force myself to do it because I understand how important it is to connect with people. Isolation can be deadly.

I’ve met so many amazing people in the couple of years I’ve been in St. Louis, but you know what? If I don’t have a reason to run into them or reach out to them, it is rare for someone to reach out to me. I only have a few really close friends that I stay in regular contact with. The rest I see at activities or talk to on occasion because I’ve reached out to them or they’ve reached out to me, but we’re really not a big part of each other’s lives. I’m not complaining at all - I actually think it’s great that I have so many peripheral friends that I can see once every 3 months and feel like no time has passed and love spending time together. All I’m saying is for people who are concerned about their mental health or the mental health of a friend, if you expect that people are going to reach out to you, you will likely be disappointed. We’re all busy and aren’t mind readers.

If you’re feeling isolated and don’t want to be, try to reach out to some friends you haven’t heard from in awhile. I can almost guarantee that those people aren’t “ignoring you” or trying to lose touch. People naturally drift if both people aren’t actively trying to keep a friendship alive.When you have isolated yourself, it’s really easy to just get caught up in your own head and life and it can be really hard to reach out for help, but (speaking from my own experience) almost every time I’ve reached out to people I’ve felt better afterwards. If you sense that a friend is isolating, reach out to them to make sure they’re okay.

This post is longer than I intended to write be but I guess I had a lot to say. I’ll end with some lyrics from “One More Light” by Linkin Park:

“If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In a sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone's time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
We're quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do”