Listen to the Nudges (2021 Review)

I started writing about some highlights from the past year and realized I hadn’t thought very deeply about the lessons the year brought me, which is why I usually write up something at the end of each year. I think the biggest lesson this year for me was - listen to the nudges.

When I created a vision board last year I was drawn to a beach photo and almost didn’t use it because I didn’t think I’d be going anywhere tropical due to the pandemic. Three weeks later we took a camping road trip to Florida.

I had been feeling stagnant at work and when I finally spoke up, a more challenging position opened up within days. I love my new role! I remember initially being concerned about the academic advising aspect, but that has become my favorite part. I have done a great job nesting in my office and I love how cozy it feels. The only reason I’ve been comfortable working in the office again starting last summer 3-4 days a week is because I have my own office and do not have to wear a mask while I’m in there alone. I’ve also been biking to work which means so much for my mental health.

When Evan died in 2015 I decided I would keep his website alive for as long as I could. The past couple of years I had been frustrated by WordPress and thought about some day moving it to SquareSpace. He was using a template that had become obsolete and often the site would be down because it needed some sort of update. I am not a developer with tons of coding experience and I’m much more comfortable in SquareSpace so I decided to rebuild it there. It’s so much easier for me to manage now! I did my best to replicate the style of his original site. I also added a bunch of his old music (thanks to Joey Hook!) and some audio clips and it felt really good to make progress on that project.

Early in 2021 I rolled over 100,000 miles on my Hyundai Sonata. I bought it new with the intention of keeping it for about that long because it’s when the factory warranty expires, but when it happened I thought with my rational mind, hmm . . . maybe I can hold on to it for another year to save some money before taking on a new car payment. That’s when the problems started. First it was just a couple of maintenance things - new brakes, 100,000 mile tune-up. I started thinking maybe it would be better to just have a consistent payment instead of dealing with a few hundred dollars of repairs each month but decided it was only a couple of months and I should stick it out. Then one day it wouldn’t start. I had a solid 3-4 months of car trouble where my car would randomly not start and I felt trapped. I didn’t want to drive anywhere and potentially get stranded. I spent about $1500 trying to fix it and I THINK the final fix of bypassing the remote start and alarm system was what it needed. I was so grateful to have a job I bike to most days and that I can still work from home sometimes. It was obnoxious to really not be able to go anywhere or do anything. I mostly missed getting out for hiking.

I ordered my new Subaru Outback on my birthday in September and it arrived in November. I’m thrilled to be back in the land of reliable transportation. I recognize how fortunate I am to be able to afford to buy a new car and not have to worry about this anymore. The first day I drove my Outback all over the place and I was so excited! And then I got a terrible headache and felt nauseous. I realized the issue is the “new car smell” and have been doing everything I can since then to help off-gas the toxic chemicals. I have baking soda in a tray in the back seat, activated charcoal, unscented dryer sheets under the seats, etc. I’ve been leaving the windows down on nice days when I’m around to keep an eye on it, I’ve been cranking up the heat inside on sunny days and then airing it out. The research I’ve done indicates that after 6 months it should be more tolerable, but I have a friend with Multiple Chemical Sensitivities who said she can’t drive a car newer than THREE YEARS OLD! I am hoping within this next year it’s okay.. I’m so sensitive to the smells that if I’m driving more than 10 minutes, I wear a mask while in it. I am so ready to camp in it but I know that’s at least several months down the road. I’ve been annoyed by my sensitivity to the smell and haven’t wanted to complain. I have a great, reliable vehicle and it feels like I’m overreacting even though I know I’m not - I’m just listening to my body.

Anyway - this year when I went with the flow, things clicked and felt right. When I got caught up in being rational or logical instead of listening to the nudges, things were more challenging. Here’s to 2022 being full of listening to my body and hearing the messages.