It's been awhile since I've thought about the early days after Evan ended his life 10.5 years ago. 

This type of loss is so often shrouded in secrecy, guilt, and shame. Suicide loss survivors need people they can talk to about everything they have experienced. The more we tuck away, the more it can damage us over time.

Everyone grieves differently and there isn't a timeline. Be gentle with yourself. Feeling numb or in denial are very common and normal. Some want to talk a lot about what happened and others process more internally. However you process is right for you.