Stuck

I wake up exhausted
But my brain is quickly wide awake
I need more rest but won’t get it today
I lay in bed for over an hour, stuck
I finally get up only because I need to use the restroom
The day ahead feels daunting
I just want it to be tomorrow
For this familiar cloud to pass
Because I know it will
It always does

I eat breakfast
But forget to give the cats their treats
I lay on the couch
A cat lays on my chest
I’m stuck here for almost an hour
But it helps to be present with her
Focusing on her soft fur and gentle purring
Once she’s had enough snuggling
I get up and brush my teeth

Then I’m back in bed again, stuck
Trying to make a decision on clothing
After some time I decide at least I can get my biking clothes on
So I do
And then I’m stuck again on the bed in a ball
I finally pick out clothes for the day
But forget undergarments
Of course I don’t realize that until I’m at work
I get everything in my backpack and I’m stuck again
I say goodbye and go outside
The ride is slow and hot

I finally arrive at work around 11:30am
Just in time for a mindfulness class at noon
It helps me be present for a little while
I talk to my boss and she says she understands
That grief can be debilitating
She encourages me to take the afternoon off for self-care
She is so understanding
I last longer than anticipated
I’m grateful this doesn’t happen often
If it did I’m sure I’d be without a job

Once home I help cut up vegetables for dinner
It helps me be present
I go to yin yoga before bed
It helps me be in my body
And breathe
And rest
I am grateful I won’t be stuck tomorrow