I thought my guilt was gone
Sometimes it creeps back in 
Replaying in my mind
Conversations from the end

There were so many signs
That I did not see
Would talking him down once more
Have changed much in the end?

What if I had been closer?
Would I have rushed to his side?
Taken away the gun
Sat down with him and cried?

Would anything be different
If he was interrupted?
Had someone come to the door—
would he have aimed at them?

He said this was the best
breakup he ever had
We never could have lasted
It was tragically poetic

“Take care of yourself,” I said,
as I was leaving.
“That's the chapter I keep missing.”
“It's a good one, you should read it.”

The grief comes in waves
Stages are not linear
I have to keep writing
When words swirl in my head

Now I sometimes wonder
How many think of him
I hope all their memories 
Live on until the end