Lessons on Avoidance and Acceptance

I let him in without knowing the damage it would cause
I needed more attention and was focused on his flaws
Should have noticed sooner how far that I was drifting
But it was before I realized that I was just avoiding

I made him think I wanted more
At the time I thought it true
But he was merely a distraction
A reason not to see what I should do

On the day that he confronted me and things started to unravel
I knew we were more broken than either one of us could handle
But even then I didn’t know how wrong I was to stray
And it took years to realize the hurt I sent his way

It’s hard for me to understand just what I put them through
The retribution I faced was nothing compared to what ensued
He’ll never know how sorry that I am; how much I take the blame
For making trust impossible and putting him to shame

Now that chapter’s over and I hope someday he’ll find
A way to let somebody in who will treat him better than I
Who accepts the person that he is and appreciates his gifts
Who brings out the best in him and loves him at his worst

I know someone is out there but I am just afraid
That he won’t open up again because of wounds I made
I know it’s not my problem and I should not be worried
But hurts like these can linger and are difficult to bury

I’ve learned so many lessons ‘bout happiness and love
And how our daily choices lead us to where we are
We’re constantly evolving and I’m pleased to be on course
Learning to be myself and not hold my feelings back

I am aware that some will never heal or understand they can
And I wish someone could help them see that it’s in their hands
To let go of the poison; forgive themselves and others
To take responsibility; change some of their behavior

Healing will always be two steps forward one step back
But strength and perseverance will always help us to advance
Our patterns keep repeating ‘til we acknowledge and decide
To make different choices and use our errors as our guide