2015 was a whirlwind rollercoaster: Hawaii, meditation, health coach program, Dagger Dolls won Golden Skate, quit roller derby, left job of 8 years, moved to STL, Lake Superior Circle Tour, switched apartments, experienced tragedy, spoke at a funeral, outdoor yoga and kickboxing, camped, sparked interest in resilience and helping others, many fun trips back to MN, moved to new building at work, explored activities and made new connections, so much grieving and growth, held up by kindness and love.
The past year showed me that change happens whether we’re ready or not. . . if we can learn to accept change instead of resist it, our lives will be easier. Also, we’re all on our own journey, and I’m happiest when I focus on MY journey.
It reminded me that we all go through hard times, and that it doesn’t make sense to try to compare what you’ve been through with what other people have been through. Everybody grieves differently and it’s so important to have people around you when you’re grieving who can just “sit with you in the mud” instead of judging or trying to fix you or the situation.
Everywhere I go I see messages of the importance of self-care. Thanks universe, I get it now! Knowing how important it is doesn’t make it easy to do consistently, but I’m getting better and I’ve seen the difference it can make.
I value kindness and compassion even more than I used to. Understanding there is always a reason for the way people act, and that the people who are hardest to love need kindness and compassion the most. It’s not about excusing “bad” behavior, but understanding what may have lead them to act the way they do. I’m not suggesting tolerating being treated poorly either - setting boundaries is crucial, and sometimes you have to walk away for your own sanity.
I also learned quite a bit about expectations and how sometimes the conflict we experience stems from a simple difference in values. I’ve found that it can be easy to forget that everybody has different values and that we project our values on other people. If I value kindness and do something nice for someone but they do not acknowledge or appear to appreciate what I did and I get upset about it, that’s me projecting my values on them. It’s especially not fair for me to get mad at them for not saying “thank you” if I did not communicate to them how much it would mean to me to hear that. I’ve learned that they only way to avoid disappointment is to not set expectations. I try to live my values everyday but try to not project them on other people.
Maybe it seems like I’m pushing my values on other people right now by writing this, but that is not my intention. I like reflecting at the end of the year to see how far I’ve come and to put into words what lessons I’ve learned. And I have no expectation of anybody reading this whole thing or of it helping anyone think about anything differently (although making a difference is something I value, so if it is helpful to ANYBODY that does give me warm fuzzies).
“The world needs YOU to be YOU so WE can be WE.” ~Rob Bell
Oh and cats. I love cats.